Lava Feelings: What Happens When You Say Something You Shouldn't

Being curious about the feelings you feel can help you unravel some old stories you have been carrying. This peek in how I navigate this in my own life and how video games are helping me explain them to my 10-year old came from my weekly newsletter. Sign up and have it pop into your inbox each week or double up and grab one of my free glow supporting resources to get you on the list.

Recently, my husband asked me about how long I thought it would take before our 10-year old will start using the swear word I used earlier in the day, responding to some escalating feelings over his younger brother and where a wooden stool needed to go.

But first, a story...

There was a time in my life when I didn’t like to be around people who swore.

In high school, I remember driving with friends to get a slurpee and they discovered this about me... and then proceeded to tease me by repeatedly dropping the F*b*mb into the conversation. It was all in good fun, but it definitely made me notice a friction point in what I was led to believe and what I intuitively felt authentic expression felt like.

Somewhere over the years of my self-discovery journey, I reversed course on that thinking and now employ the occasional emphatic bomb drop in certain moments.

The words we use (or don’t) are fueled by our sense of identity.

And back then, my oldest child, Catholic, do-good, Innocent archetype conditioning was told me that ‘good girls’ don’t swear or have strong feelings or outbursts.

Not that I never did, but there was a sense of guilt that crept in when it happened.

30 years later, I still carry that version of myself within me, but I can share with her that it’s actually good, healthy and necessary to feel, acknowledge and express our feelings in an authentic way… even if that changes with time and perspective.

Lava Feelings

Now the ‘mom’ part of me hopes that my oldest didn’t pick up that word and start using it without understanding the effects of it, but that it will open good conversation around the dynamics of words and feelings.

Piggy-backing on other times we’ve had heart-to-hearts about how big feelings went down, I said I’m sorry for yelling and that I could have handled it better.

I said I’m glad he feels his feelings, that I love him for who he is.

And that we need to work together on how to handle the ‘lava feelings’ when they come up.

(We saw A Minecraft Movie this weekend, so there’s been a lot of lava talk around here, *heads up there is a mild swear in it*)

I’ve heard that we aren’t just raising our kids, that our kids help us finish raising ourselves.

I can learn something from how he is wired to feel his feelings, and use my own experiences to help him build emotional intelligence and have a healthier relationship with his feelings.

And be less afraid to share my own feelings.

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Discover how you can build your Emotional Intelligence EQ by reading fiction in this article where I share my perspective after reading over 100 books last year.

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Your Adventure of the Week

You’ve come this far, take a moment and think about the following questions and notice what comes up for you.

• What’s something that has changed about your beliefs, behaviors or values since you were 16?

• How has that shaped your identity?

• What would you tell your younger self about that journey today?

• How can you use your journey to teach someone else about themselves?

The journey toward living a life that lights us up has to inspire feeling curious enough to explore these layers about ourselves.

Taking everyday moments and noticing how to flourish in our humanness.

For support on your journey, the Illumination Kit is a great way to help you shine a light into moments like these.​

Ask yourself-

• When is a time that my feelings led me to doing or saying something I wish had gone differently?

• What was the last ‘lava feeling’ I had?

• When have I held myself back from expressing how I truly felt?

• Are there people I can safely and openly share how I feel?

• How do people react when I share my feelings?

So, what are you feeling this week?

I hope this story helps you explore and honor what you are feeling.

And if you’re up for a journey to unravel some of the stories that have shaped what you believe about who you are, this might be the moment to check out the Illumination Kit.​

Giving you permission to be honest with yourself about what you really feel.

p.s. when we talked about it at bedtime and I shared how my yelling was like me putting my shields up and reflecting his lava feelings right back at him because they came in so hot. And he said it was like in Zelda when you parry to deflect enemy attacks. Video games for the win, lol.

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Stephanie Rose is a mom, wife, business owner and a forever student in finding ways to know herself better.  She acts as a guide for your own journey of navigating your unique glow with a blend of quantum physics, Human Design, and intuitive exploration to curate a life that truly lights you up.

Through the Glow Map, discover where to take meaningful, aligned action in your everyday life and simplify the process of pursuing your heart-led dreams with ease and confidence.  Sign up for her newsletter and check out her other free resources and start your journey today!

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