Integration & Hygge

Maybe you’ve seen my posts on Instagram about how things are pretty darn cold here in Michigan, and how I’m not letting it stop me from getting outside and finding ways enjoy the coziness once I’m back inside.  Enjoying that time outside helps when you know what you need to wear to keep yourself warm, knowing when the sun will be shining and deciding on an adventure that suits the mood.  Bringing all those things together to make for an even better experience.

Integration (n.)

behavior, as of an individual, that is in harmony with the environment (via dictionary.com)

This month the focus is on integration.  While the rest of the world is off jumping into goals, banzaiing toward their “new year, new me” habits, let’s take things slow and reflect on the last year, reflect on how you experience harmony with yourself, get to know yourself better and figure out your next step in your personal growth journey.

What does personal growth look like?

Personal growth for me is all about knowing myself better, getting a better understanding of the different parts of me and integrating them together, creating a harmony within my internal environment.  Naming my loves, interests and strengths.  Owning up to my weak points in my character, areas for growth and understanding.  And realizing we ALL have them.  No one is perfect.  We are all souls having a human experience and we are meant to have things to figure out. 

Personal growth is about asking ourselves questions.  Being open and curious about why we are the way we are and think what we think, challenging ourselves to unpack the things we’ve always done and what life’s experiences have taught us.  Daring to ask ourselves “what if?”. 

Finding hygge

This time of year, especially here in Michigan, the days are still on the shorter side, the weather makes staying indoors feel more inviting and we are wanting to conserve our energy and be cozy.  There is a Danish term for this called Hygge (pronounced hue-gah), being cozy.  This is a great time of year then to get comfortable with yourself, your unique you-ness.  Spending some time going inside yourself, being quiet and looking for and feeling moments of inner harmony (cutest book on hygge).

• being comfortable with your you-ness

• going inside yourself and being quiet

• relaxing a bit and letting yourself wonder

Integration through understanding

Beyond the realm of internal personal growth, you can also work to integrate with yourself by better understanding where you came from and the world around you.  Build up your sense of curiosity by taking a moment to wonder about how you got here, and the way things work.  Looking at the world and how you fit into the puzzle can give you a real sense of confidence and understanding.  Because even small bits of knowledge can help ease the stress about not knowing ALL of the things and add to your sense of feeling hygge.

Here is a list of ideas for growing your understanding

• Read a book that might reframe your views on history

• Ask your family about your ancestry and map out your family tree

• Watch a travel video about where your ancestors came from

• Look up the history of the city or town you live in or old aerial photos (here and here)

• Cozy up with your favorite blanket and cup of tea and look up how it was manufactured and its journey to you

• Download a bird or plant identifying app and be curious about the world living around you when you take a walk

This weekend I refilled the bird feeders and spent time with the kids, watching to see who visited.  I made up a dialogue between two squirrels who were scavenging for seeds that the blue jays tossed aside looking for the peanuts in the mix (they are notoriously messy eaters).  We also observed the literal pecking order of who visited and who seemed to rule the roost (blue jays).  And we grabbed our bird books and identified what we saw, cardinals, woodpeckers, finches, titmouse, chickadee.  These birds visit our bird feeders often, but it felt good to be able to name the lesser-known birds and observe each of their tendencies.

It’s not so important what you are looking up.  It’s more about igniting that sense of curiosity, having a greater understanding of how you got here and what you are surrounded by.  It increases your feeling of comfort when you understand the world around you.  Just like with the birds, I feel that the more common and everyday it is, the better, since it something that you can see every day with new insights. 

Going Deeper

Once you’ve started to build that curiosity muscle, it will start to extend into even deeper areas.  If you are curious to dip a toe into personal growth, start with getting to know your personal self better.  Wondering what really makes you tick, why you think certain thoughts about yourself and your abilities.  Start with making a list of observations about your day, what makes you feel energized, who makes you doubt yourself, what things are absolute pick-me-ups and what do you do when you are avoiding something.  Become aware of what are your favorite parts of your day.  What is your favorite outfit?  Favorite meal of all time? 

Include some thoughts about what you don’t like as well.  What’s the least favorite part of your day?  What smells don’t you like that don’t bother other people?  What are your pet peeves?  What song brings up the worst memories for you?  What is something you dread people asking you to do?  Sitting down with a notepad or creating a running list on your phone are easy ways to start.

Just ask ‘why?’

Once you’ve opened that curiosity with yourself, it’s easier to expand those lists into some journaling questions, simply by asking ‘why?’.  Journaling is a great way to make those introductions with yourself.  Taking some moments to ask yourself a question and write out an answer.  Why does that Friday morning conference call get my workday off on the wrong foot?  Why do I not like calling to order pizza?  (Truly something I still don’t like to do)  Seeing what comes up when you open up with yourself, getting a little bit more comfortable with your you-ness, tapping into a more harmonious life.  Maybe you’ll untangle some of that hairball and get some ideas for ways to turn those nays into yays.

I can do a happy dance when the call is over and reset my mood for the rest of the day.

Calling for pizza is a small moment of personal growth, because sometimes life is uncomfortable and it can be helpful to intentionally practice discomfort in small doses to build up that trust with myself.

Journaling hygge

Another way to build comfort with journaling is with stream of consciousness writing.  No prompts, agendas or wrong way to do it, just taking time to sit with a notebook and pour thoughts out on the page.  It may feel somewhat pointless to write about how your toe itches, wondering if the leftovers are still good and exactly what was going on in that latest show you watched, but it’s cracking open the door of your inner mind, feeling comfortable observing and sharing with yourself.

And once the mind in you feels a little safer on the page, the mental hygge is feeling cozy, maybe you will drop in a few lines about how that compliment made you feel, how that weird look from a stranger on the street made you feel awkward (and why is it still bothering you?) or an aha moment about what next step to take in your job search.  The hairball starts to untangle a bit.  And you have a bit more space in your head.

I always thought that journaling was more like diary writing, capturing details, not feelings.  In high school and college, when I did journal some, writing out the minute details of my day left me no energy to share with myself what I thought about the day.  That also reinforced some of my enneagram 9 (book, free assessment) tendencies I didn’t have a name for yet, to not share my feelings, and so it wasn’t a habit I kept up consistently.  But 4 years ago, I learned about The Artist’s Way and worked through the 12-weeks in the book with an accountability group.  The foundation of the book is Morning Pages, three daily pages of stream of consciousness writing/journaling.

You can tell how I already had an odd relationship with journaling, so I was unsure of all of this writing, but accepted the permission that the book gave me to try it a different way and just write.  That first day of morning pages was like “wow” and I felt like I could take on the world with all that freed up head space! I could see through the haze of early motherhood better, better name what I wanted to tame and process life a bit better.

“This exercise has been so much more cathartic that I ever thought possible and it’s only the first day.”

— Day 1 Morning Pages, January 2, 2018

I’m finishing up my 2nd time through The Artist’s Way, this time with an amazing accountability group of fellow entrepreneurs/business owners, led by Jaime Handley with Monastic Mamas.  Based on the breakthroughs and aha moments from the first time, I knew that going into this 12-week session would bring on powerful shifts again with deeper insights.  And I didn’t disappoint myself! 

As I’m entering my 2nd year as a business owner, I am so proud of myself for all that I have worked through.  This time through The Artist’s Way helped shine a light on blocks I was using to hold myself back, old stories I was believing as truth, scarcity mindsets that needed to be shifted, all through the lens of personal growth and growing a business.  Using the weekly chapters as a guide, the morning pages as a place to safely explore my feelings and the accountability group to help me keep my promise to myself and hold space for each other, I’ve had such a transformative experience, again.

Being truthful, I wasn’t as consistent with the daily morning pages practice as the first time around, and certainly didn’t do all of the creative healing exercises the book outlines, but the magic of connecting with amazing people, all on a similar journey was the takeaway I needed this time around.  I also integrated a practice in my morning pages to write myself notes of encouragement.  To tell myself how proud I am of myself and to cheer myself on when I feel a block or worry that something isn’t going as expected. 

One of the prompts we did together during an integration week, not covering a new chapter but doing a check in with what we’ve tapped into so far, we wrote a letter to our 80-year-old selves, and I used this as a chance to give myself the pep talk I didn’t even consciously realize I needed.  Letting my soul do the talking, this is the letter I wrote to myself-

Why hello young me! 

You still have over half of your life left and you used it well.  All that uncovering you did led you on such a creative journey and you feel so whole and aligned in your soul.  All those questions you dove into for answers got resolved when you realized that they didn’t need all of that resolution of every loose end.  You get the lesson and then you learned to put it down. 

You will learn to not carry things that aren’t yours or are no longer serving you.  And that can be a true gift to others.  Keep figuring out the ways to live a life that lights you up, you’ll get there, and you’ll inspire so many, even without you knowing.

Keep experimenting and finding ways to improve and see things in a different way.  Those are only some of your gifts and through this you will uncover more, so much more.  They will shine like points of light in the night sky, and others will use them to guide their lives for eons to come. 

I’m so proud of all that you’ve done and I thank you for making this life possible for me.  You’ve unlocked and opened up so much and it wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t dare to follow those nudges and taken those first steps.  The light will magnify once you allow it to be seen and you open up in your willingness to share it.  I know you can, because you did, because I’m proof of that.

So keep going.

It’s all so worth it.  You’re on the right path and you’ll end up in a place even more amazing that you can imagine. 

You are safe.  You are loved.  And I’m so proud of you.

Letting this kind of self-talk come through was a huge breakthrough for me.  I feel more in tune with my inner self.  I am breaking patterns of self-censoring my thoughts, believing that my words and creativity matter and that I have something amazing to share with the world.  Starting with this letter. 

Let’s Start

If you are looking for something that will help you tap into that you-ness, tune into your inner harmony, and are curious about The Artist’s Way, leave a comment or send me an email or DM.  And if you are ready to explore The Artist’s Way with a cohort of community, Jaime’s upcoming accountability group starts soon (sign up here).  It’s truly something that will help you come out of these darker days of winter with a deeper sense of knowing and integration.

And if you want to dip your toe into journaling using the stream of consciousness method, download my free journaling guide.  It includes even more tips on how to get started, how to tell that jerk of a voice in your head to pipe down and journaling prompts to help you start exploring some topics deeper and really start to integrate all parts of yourself.

*post may contain affiliate links

---

Stephanie Rose is a mom, wife, business owner and a forever student in finding ways to know herself better. She acts as guide for your own journey, sharing insights, tools and practices to help you remember your magic and live a life that lights you up. Sign up for her newsletter and check out her free resources.

Related entries