Using a More/Less List to Live a Life You Love
Do you ever get stuck in that meh feeling? Or just plain stuck? Like nothing is feeling like it has direction? Or feeling like you’ve lost that sense of who you truly are and what lights you up?
I’ve been there. With 2 kids under 2, working full-time, I was a mom-zombie of sorts. Fully invested in adjusting to the mom life, what brought me joy was seeing these tiny humans grow and catching sleep when I could. But as we reached our 3rd year of parenting, and I was getting a bit more sleep, I started to wake up to the realization that I wasn’t quite sure what I really enjoyed anymore. Everything had been a version of survival mode and learning on the job, and I forgot a lot of the things that made me, me. Before I belonged to them… before the kids, spouse, job. Maybe you can relate.
So, I got intentional about scouting out what I could do to help us feel a bit more balanced as a family and dig into how to live more of a life that lights me up, within my reality and capacity. And I came up with a combination of some easy things to help me explore and start to see the light.
More/Less Magic
The More/Less list is something I used in my self development journey to figure out what I really wanted in life. In general, it is like a pro/con list, only instead naming what you truly want more and less of in your life. And creating this list will help you see a path toward a life that feels more easeful and fuller of what makes life meaningful to you.
More and less can have varying meanings. It doesn't have to be more of good things and less of bad things. Having less of something could actually be the good thing. And maybe having more of something is not as good, depending how you phrase it.
We all have so much on our plates, so this is not meant to be an activity that actually adds more to our lives. The intent is to make our lives more fulfilling and to take a look at what’s on our plates.
rearrange what we've got on our plates
taking things off our plates
reframing them and seeing them in a different way
helping give us motivation to ‘do the thing’
This list can be a motivator to help you do the thing that maybe you've been resisting because it just didn't feel important enough or you didn't see how it fit into the bigger picture of things. It could also just be a good kickstarter and remind you of why it’s important. And by pulling the list together, it kind of creates a balance sheet, like a pro/con list does. Only this helps you identify gaps in your life and some small changes and mindset shifts you can make. Some of them might be big changes, but most of the time it really is the small things.
Name It To Tame It
This process helps you name it to tame it, to put it on paper and start to take action toward change. Because if you can't name it, if you can't put your finger on it, even in a broader sense, then it's going to be really challenging to figure out a way to come up with some solutions to move you from that meh or stuck feeling.
A happy byproduct of doing this is that it will show you solutions as you reframe item for the other side of the list. For every something you want more of when you're in that moment, can you think of what need to have less of? What will you need more of to achieve that desire for less? If you want less stress, that could mean that you need more routines. That might mean you might need to do some more planning, doing more things that your future self will thank you for.
This is something you can kind of play with it as you go. Don't get stuck on any one thing as you write your mores and lesses, but keep that in mind that as you write the one you might come up with the other half of it, as part of the solution.
The Path Forward
By creating this list, it can help you see the next path to take, the next thing to try, the next guidepost for your journey that is unique to you. The remedy for your friend’s more doesn’t mean it’s a match for yours. Your solution for more freedom, more flexibility may look different to other people. This list is helping you define it. If you're saying you want more flexibility, what does that mean? Does that break down into needing more structure in some areas so you can have more flexibility and others? Does it mean less commitments? Really break it down using just simple words and a simple two column list to break it out.
You can also use it to go deeper in certain areas. If you want more fun in your life, start a new list with Fun as the main topic to explore further. Fun for you maybe looks like more. Reading more. Spontaneous nights more. Nights out with friends more. Trying new foods more. What is it for you that is fun? For a topic like this, explore the more. Then see what are some of the less that would help support the more. It could mean that maybe it is-
less of pretending that you like something that you don't
less obligations so that you can do more of the fun things or have more time
less feeling like you have to act a certain way based on your age, lifestyle, profession
Create any sub-lists that you feel you need to help further name and identify your more/less desires. If you get stuck, make a list of things that you like and don’t like and see where it takes you in identifying what you want more or less of.
These simple lists were part of what helped me when I was trying to figure out what I wanted my life to look like. It helped me name what I felt was missing, or what was out of balance. It was especially helpful in helping me identify what my unmet needs were and being able to connect naming the problems with possible solutions. It gave me some guideposts on where to go from here and gave me some thoughts of where to put my attention based on what I was excited about.
Get Started
This transformation all starts with making these lists. Just writing it down getting it out of your head and onto actual paper so you can really see it. Start with a plain sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle and start writing down your more/less ideas. Mentally go through your day and see what comes out.
Avoid judging yourself during the process. The mind will probably start speaking up about the audacity of some of these things you’d like to change. Tell you that “psshhha, there’s no way any of that can change” or “what will someone think of me for wanting to improve my life that way?”.
Consider all aspects of the life experience including thoughts, feelings, senses, and personal needs. And as more ideas pop into your head as you experience life with this new awareness, add them to your list. Create more topical lists to go deeper into more specific areas of your life.
Work life
Social life
Personal life
Specific relationships
Defining what specific feelings feel like
fun, success, satisfaction, happiness, bitterness, frustration, disappointment
Take a look at your lists and see what stands out. Star or circle the items that feel most like you or the most actionable. ‘Yes, that's what I want to do. I want to feel more like me and me looks like these five things.’
Then you can start to play with it and start developing a plan for it. Ask yourself ‘how can I have more of them in my life even just little tastes or teasers?’ Maybe no one even notices these little adds/deletes/shifts but it makes you happy it gives you that lift. And it really starts to grow your glow. Because now you're beginning to orient yourself toward your true north. Turning toward that bearing point where your True Self sits.
By naming, honoring and appreciating it, every step toward that true you is going to grow your glow. It is going to make you feel a little bit closer to yourself. It's going to uncover what's deep within you and maybe you hadn't even realized before.
Magic Happens
So that's the power of making a list. It’s time to start putting it into effect and see the ripples it causes. It is kind of like a wink or a little nod to the universe by essentially saying to your true self, ‘see, I got you. I know what you're all about. And I'm here for it. And I'm cheering you on, and I'm supporting you.’
Because you're honoring your true self, you're seeing your true self. And in slow, subtle ways you're letting other people see you too. They don't have to know what’s on your list. Or that you even have a list. You don't have to share that. Not to keep it a secret. But just like when starting a fire from kindling, it can be something you shield from criticism or bad vibes from other people while you grow that glow within you.
The important thing is that you start sharing those true parts of yourself. Because once you have named it, it's going to start showing up. One way to keep track of that is to put it in your Evidence Journal (blog). Start keeping track of all the ways that things on your More/Less lists show up. I know, more lists, but as we’ve covered, they are powerful.
Go Deeper
We’ve just scratched the surface on using this method to help you really know yourself more deeply and guide you toward taking the easeful steps to implement what you uncover in your daily life. If you would like to go deeper with this method and closely look at different areas of your life that might be pain points, I’ve created an in-depth workbook. This printable workbook will guide you through creating and using these lists to help you explore it more deeply and implement the Name to Tame process so that you have solutions to start implementing right away.
Going deeper into this More/Less method will help you tame your sense of overwhelm and uncover easeful ways to navigate forward with small, daily action steps.
Start to feel the shifts across each area of your life as you have the deeply curated and powerful lists to make meaningful changes in some of even the smallest of ways. You will show up in your life more confidently because you truly, deeply know what makes you light up as you incorporate the more and less lists into your daily life.
Your inner glow is in there, waiting for you to follow the steps to help uncover it. Name it to tame it and let your glow show.
Stephanie Rose is a mom, wife, business owner and a forever student in finding ways to know herself better. She acts as guide for your own journey, sharing insights, tools and practices to help you remember your magic and live a life that lights you up. Sign up for her newsletter and check out her free resources.